There’s a certain serenity in knowing you’re going to die. When I was little I thought it would happen as an old woman in my sleep. Needless to say, I was neither old nor asleep. That didn’t stop my life from flashing before my eyes as the putrid tentacle tightened around me even further.

Turns out, when older, more experienced Hunters tell you not to take this one on, they know what they’re talking about. I, being the younger and stupider version of them, decided not to listen. So there I was–being crushed to death because I hadn’t remembered to bring the special flame thrower. It was a mistake anyone could make. I’m only mostly human! Give me a break!

Everything started to get really warm, as the creature squeezed the life out of me. It felt like we had entered a sauna when in fact we were in the middle of the North Sea. Last time I ever go fishing. I started to think it was my body’s way of giving in to death–like a warm blanket had just wrapped around my soul to take it away. Very poetic, loser.

I was all set to drift off into Never Never Land when the heat became unbearable and the monster holding me started screaming. Violet flames licked up and down the bumps and scales of its gigantic body. Somebody remembered their flame thrower.

The tentacle released me and I plummeted into the frigid sea only to be plucked out by something I couldn’t see to the tune of the creature’s dying lament. I was thrown onto the deck of the ship and covered with what smelled like seal skin. An angry, bearded face hovered above me and I knew no more. Serves you right, you maniac. Next time you’ll remember that only celestial flame can kill a greater demon.